Memory Lane
by StendanUSF
Summary: Follow up from Friday 30th's E4 ep, Joel doesn't know about Brendan and Ste's relationship. First fanfic, will update daily until further notice, hope you enjoy :
1. Chapter 1

Again.

He's done it again. Everytime I finally get the man out of my head, something happens and BAM, he jumps right back in there, all because of one Scottish twat, shouting his mouth off.

"OY!" He screamed storming down the ally from ChezChez "You got me into some right shit!"

Confused, I replied "What the hell are you going on about?"

"You haven't realised have you?"

I shook my head.

"He's so hung up on you, do ya know that?"

Attempting to exit, I gave a stern look and said "Look mate, I don't know wether it's because you have been hanging around Brendan like a lost lamb too much but your making no..."

"I don't know what's going on with you two, or what happened, but I'm not putting up with it!"

"Joel! For crying out loud WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT"

After a few seconds, I noticed his newly drenched jacket, and it all took shape.

"Brendan ..." I whispered

"You don't say!"

"He's nothing to do with me" I looked him up and down, smirking "Seems like he's found himself another toy boy to mess around with!"

"He did this because of you!"

"What the hell does pouring Champagne over you have to do with m..."

"You've got that Irish bastard wrapped around your finger, enjoy embarrassing me do you?"

"It's not like that ..."

"Oh come off it Ste! You are obviously still doing some dirty work for him! No matter how much of a gobby little shit you are, he still cares! Worth a bit of money are you? Know a hotspot for drugs? How does it happen? GO ON! SPILL!"

I knew this would happen. I would have to explain to someone sooner or later what happened, and I had never for one second planned for it to be Joel.

"It just happens!" I continued "You don't know it happens or want it to but it does! One minute your enemies, next friends, then lovers but before you know it, he uses you, beats you up for no apparent reason, tells you he loves you, but continues to hurt you! You think you can trust him, but then he screws you over, having you believe it was always something that you've done! He gets into your brain and controls you, but you can't help but like it! He's like a drug, Joel, don't make the same mistake I did!"

Before I could stop myself, I broke down in tears, with Joel stood above me, frozen to the spot. He looked down at me, helpless, and then sat beside me. It went silent.

Joel broke it.

"Ste, what happened?"

I looked up, eyes raw red from the tears I had shed.

"I can't ..." I squeaked, before running as far away from him as possible.


	2. Chapter 2

What actually just happened? One minute I'm ok, the next I'm in tears. I'm stronger than this, I tell myself every day that I can't let him control me, but by not thinking about him, I end up thinking about what I'm not thinking about WAY too much.

After dashing across the village, I reach the flat, barge in and slam the door. Amy was at work that day, and the kids were at Nursery till late, so I used this opportunity to sob my eyes out. Stupid Joel, what has it got to do with him? Why did he have to poke his nose in ... Our business? He had no right. He's probably ran off to Brendan, telling him how pathetic I acted ... Great.

Then there was a sudden knock at the door. I hadn't expected anyone, so in a panic I ran all sorts of possibilities through my mind ... Was it Joel, over to rub it in my face? Amy or Doug wondering where I am? Ally, wondering what the loud slam was? ... Brendan even? I couldn't bring myself to open it. I couldn't face any of them, not now.

Slouched in front of the door, I stood up and made my way to the living room, attempting to be as discrete as possible. I peaked around the wall, and looked through the window to see a tall figure, with manly features ... Unable to distinguish who it was, i decided to open the door and give whoever it was a piece of my mind.

It was Joel.

"What? What more could you possibly want?" I shouted, hearing my voice break.

"I didn't mean for you to get so upset back there but ..."

"Yeah right" I interrupted, with an evil tone.

"BUT" he continued "What happened between you two has been really puzzling me for these past few months. I've asked Brendan, he told me to piss off, I even asked Warren, but he wouldn't say a word, but now I get it."

He looked at me, face softened.

"You will never get it!" I said coldly Before attempting to close the door.

"Don't get stroppy with me!" He put his foot in the door with anger "I've not been what you've been through, so how could I? I barely know you!"

"So why di ..."

"I get why Brendan has been acting so strangely!"

Strangely? ... What?

"He, hard man Brendan Brady has ... Has fallen in love! Oh my god! Who would have thought it? You have cracked Brendan Brady! The Double B!"

Fed up of his babble I weakly protested "Love? He doesn't know the meaning of the word!"

"No no, you don't get it! You haven't seen him from my side of the fence! He stares at you, from a distance. Whenever you're with Doug, a large green monster jumps on his back, when he sees you he dismisses anything just to say a few words, annoys you so he knows your always thinking about him. Today, when he poured champagne over me, he told me if I dare touch you again I'll never see tomorrow, and I said something, something about you not being able to stand him? The look on his face, Ste, I'd never seen it on him before."

I could feel myself welling up again. I couldn't let him see me break down again. He's figured Brendan out, not even his sister can do that, so it's a matter of time before he figures me out. Out of panic I pleaded.

"Please, Joel, just leave me alone! I don't care about this idea you have, just let me get on with my life, and let him get on with his."

With that I closed the door, before sliding down it, head in hands, tears slowly trickling down my cheeks and confusion still clouding my mind.


	3. Chapter 3

It grew dark, and when Amy returned home with the kids, I tried to redeem myself from the emotional mess I was. Playing my best poker face, I helped put the kids to bed and after several stories, we flicked the TV on. I couldn't help but notice myself drift off to thoughts of what happened earlier ... What was going to happen, but unfortunately, I wasn't the only one.

"Are you ok?" Amy innocently asked.

"Yeah I'm fine, just feeling a bit under the weather, how was work?"

"Under the weather? How do you mean?" She avoided the question

"You know .."

"No, Ste I don't! What's a matter?"

More questions? Seriously?

"Amy, Im trying to watch this, can we just leave it?" I proclaimed pointing aggressively towards the TV.

She sat up, snatching the remote from my hand and refused to give it back to me. After switching it off, she stared at me and analysed.

"Is it the business?" she asked after a few moments.

In order to avoid further questions, I agreed, trying my best not to worry her.

"It's just stressing me out at the moment, that's all Ames."

"Oh Ste, don't put yourself in this situation! You know, I'm always here to help! Free of charge!"

"Yeah" I said with an unconvincing smile. I've never liked lying to Amy, I mean, the new Ste. It's just I know Amy would read me like a book if I did other wise!

"Maybe I could get some more shifts? I'm sure if I'm nice Tony wou ..."

"It's fine! Honestly! Just leave it! I'm actually getting quite tired now, so off to bed for me! Night"

"Bed? But it's only ..."

And i was out of there like a bat out of hell. I could tell she knew something was up, so I just had to avoid her. But then I realised what I'd done. I'm alone now, with no distractions, nothing to keep my thoughts from drifting to ... Him.

* * *

><p><em>From now on I have had to drag out each Chapter to stop myself from being confused (Which isnt hard), so please bare with me. I hope you still like reading it, but if not i will do my best to skip to the more exciting events<em>


	4. Chapter 4

I had woken up to the sun beaming through the curtains, directly on me. Not long after was I interrupted by Leah, running into my room in her princess outfit, screaming quotes from her favourite programme 'Little Princess', followed by a very grumpy Lucas.

"Morning lad, why the long face?"

"Leah won't let him watch 'Rory the Racing Car' so he's refusing to get changed" Amy proclaimed, following the two bundles of energy into my room.

"Aw mate, I feel your pain" I said before tickling his tummy, causing him to crack a smile.

"Tell her daddy, tell her to put the Rory on!"

"Maybe tomorrow Lucas, you did watch it yesterday didn't you?"

He looked up at me, crossing his arms around his favourite blue PJ's, before sitting down and scowling.

"I was just about to tell him, that If Lucas doesn't get changed, Daddy won't get changed, so those ducks in the park won't get their bread today, will they?" Amy threatened softly.

Lucas suddenly remembered my promise, as did I, and jumping for joy he ran straight into his room, followed by Leah screaming yet again.

"Oh god ..."

"Don't say you forgot, you promised!"

"No no it just slipped my mind, of course I can go!"

After a few seconds of silence Amy spoke.

"Are you sure everything is fine? It is just the business getting you worked up isn't it?"

"Look, Amy, as much as i love you you do worry too much! Ill be ok, just get yourself to work!" i replied, Jumping out of bed before scanning my wardrobe in search of my orange polo shirt.

Throwing the shirt at me, Amy continued.

"It's just the last time you acted like this it was because of ..."

I shot a stern look, causing her to change the subject.

"Just don't forget tonight, yeah?"

I nodded. I knew I had done it again, disappointed Amy. How could I forget? Every other week, on a Wednesday me and Lucas visit the pond, feed the ducks and fetch some ice cream home for us all from Price Slice.

Then it all clicked.

All the events of yesterday came flooding back. I could hear Amy and the kids flee off to work and Nursery in the next room, and realised I was now alone. Having to yet again face the truth. The true fact that I was well and truly fucked.

* * *

><p>When I left my flat, I was hit with a cold shot of spring air. Doug had called me, asking to meet at 'College Coffee', so to my relief I didn't have to face ChezChez head on. Although I knew I wasn't likely to see Joel, or Brendan, I couldn't help but panic when ever I heard foot steps come my way.<p>

When I reached 'College Coffee' I was greeted by an extremely jolly Doug.

"Morning!" He said unable to hide his grin.

"... Alright? What's got you all giddy?"

"Nothing"

"Come on, spill! It has to be something!" I argued

"Your going to have to wait! It's worth it!"

Now I didn't know wether to be excited, or scared. I knew it was something to do with our business, but that's all the lead I have.

Still wondering what was in store, I walked up to the counter, ordering us both a Coffee. There was this new lad, took his time he did, but nether the less the coffee was worth the wait.

On my return to the table I noticed Doug had struck up conversation with a

As the two coffees burnt my hands, I scurried back over to the table to see that Doug had struck up conversation with avert smiley Cheryl. A small sense of panic hit me like a sledge hammer, but to avoid a scene, I stayed mutual.

"Morning Chez! How come your up so early?" I stated as calmly as possible, realising it was still only 9am.

"I'm here to deliver your sign silly, didn't Doug tell you?"

Doug's face was a picture, caught half way between excitement and disappointment.

"Surprise!" he shouted, in attempt to regain my interest.

"Doug! We've barely got the money for the Deli, never mind pointless supplies for the business we haven't even started yet!"

"No you don't understand! Me and Cheryl got talking yesterday, when I came out looking for you, and I told her about the business we were planning."

"And you know me" Cheryl interrupted "Always one to stick my nose in, so I offered to help design your interior!"

I was stunned. Doug had it all planned, and I was busy fretting about stupid things that frankly, I couldn't care less about ... So I kept telling myself. Doug and Cheryl went of for a bit, causing me to zone out, but as the excitement built up between the both of them, I snapped back to reality.

"... And that's when Cheryl bagged the discount! She called a few people, those who sorted ChezChez out, and got 50% off it! I couldn't let that offer go, so I went ahead and designed it, you will LOVE IT!"

I was excited ... But it didn't show. I tried my best to play along with the merry mood, but there was always that something holding me back. Doug seemed to notice I wasn't happy, so attempted to reassure me.

"Ste don't worry, it's actually quite good! We went for a vintage New York Deli, didn't we Chez?" Cheryl nodded in approval "And I know you were getting all excited about designing it, but I also knew you had doubts. Trust me yeah?"

I felt even worse now, Doug thinks I'm upset with him, when really he's saved me a lot of grief.

"No, guys, I can't wait to see it! Thank you so much Cheryl, it really means a lot!"

Cheryl smiled "You owe me big time! When Brendan realises I sneaked into the clubs takings for a deposit, he'll flip!"

Him ... Again ... I cant have two minutes to myself without 'Brendan' this and 'Brendan' that!

"Yeah, well I'm sure he's got other things on his mind" Doug stated with a sarcastic tone.

"Mm" I agreed half heartedly.

"Where were you yesterday anyway? I thought you only nipped out for a bottle of wine!" He continued.

Shit. He's onto me.

"Oh I er ... There was something I needed to sort out, sorry."

"Anything serious?"

"Erm no ... No its all sorted now, cheers"

And with that, Cheryl took her exit, giving both me and Doug a bear hug on the way out.

"So what's this thing that happened yesterday? I thought you were up for the celebration?"

"Yeah I was ... I am! But I got detracted, sorry" I replied, staring down at my jacket sleeves as I fiddled around with the buttons.

"... I bumped into Joel yesterday"

"What? When?" I snapped at him, unable to control myself.

"About an hour after you left, why? Did he say something?"

I could feel the lump in my throat growing, change the subject Ste, change it!

"No, no I just wondered!"

This isn't working. He'll find out sooner or later, why not now? Just as I was about to tell confess all, his phone buzzed.

"Just a sec" he apologised "Hello? ... Ah Texas just the girl, I need a favour" he looked at me with sorry eyes "Ste can we talk later, got to run some art ideas for the business past Texas" and then he was off.


	5. Chapter 5

Abandoned, I decided to finish my coffee and take myself for a walk. Because he left in such a hurry, I had no idea where, or when I was meant to be meeting him for the 'Big Reveal' or whatever he called the occasion, so took advantage of my free time.

It was a nice day, a tad windy, but overall great weather! After about half an hour walking mindlessly around the park, a received a text from an unknown number saying:

*Deli, 10 mins, be there*

And assuming it was Doug, I made my way there.

All this business planning he was doing kept me distracted from ... You know who, and softened my thoughts about yesterday's events. Joel wouldn't have any proof about what happened, so he probably wouldn't say anything. I was just scaring myself, being paranoid as hell! Even if Brendan did find out, maybe he would leave me alone? I don't know, but all I can tell myself is that everything will be right as rain.

How wrong was I.

When I turned the corner, I noticed Brendan stood on the barrier, staring my way. He must have realised I noticed him, and dashed back into the club, only to be replaced by a very cocky looking Joel. Brendan pushed past him and slammed the door shut, scaring the life out of both of us.

Fuck, he knows.

He knows I spilled, he knows everything, and he knows I know everything. He knows Joel knows everything and he isn't one bit pleased. Joel turned around, still with a massive grin on his face, and made his way down the stairs. Unsure wether to continue or run for it I froze in the middle of the village, limbs numb.

As Joel walked across the village, he turned his head my way, stopped, and confronted me.

"Morning 'Steven'"

"What do you want? Come to throw more stupid ideas at me?"

"Jeez, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed, much like lover boy up there, don't know what's upset him!" he stated, enlarging his grin.

Cocky bastard.

"Look Joel, I'm meant to be meeting someone, so can you just say what you want to say and jog on?"

"Looks like I saved you a journey ... Well, about 10 yards maybe"

It was him?

"You sent the text?"

"I would have rung, but had other things to be dealing with" he admitted, nodding his head towards ChezChez.

"... Did you tell him?"

With sarcasm he replied "What? That I know all about his aggressive obsession with you? Why would I?"

"Fuck me Joel are y..."

"Sorry, don't swing that way" he interrupted, laughing at his own remark.

He was really testing my patience. Curling my fists, I turned on my heal to storm away without hesitation.

Stopping me in my path, Joel continued "When did I become your go between anyway? just ask him y ..."

"I ... I can't ..." I weakly protested between sighs.

"Why not? Go on! He's just in there!" Joel said, whilst jabbing my shoulder in the direction of the Club.

"Joel please I ... I just need to know what you told him."

My face turned serious, causing Joel's grin to fade.

"I told him nothing ..."

I sigh out of relief.

"... But do you seriously think you can just hide away from this?"

My relief soon switched to shock, as I realised how sincere Joel was being. He continued,

"He loves you, Ste, and I'm pretty sure you know that. In fact, I'm certain you know he does! And I'm certain that you are hiding yourself from that very fact, just to save yourself, when really ... Really you see in him exactly what he sees in you. I respect you Ste, I mean seriously! I've been trying to 'befriend' him for ages, but can't seem to figure him out. The only thing I have realised is that you are the only one who gets through to him. This, all this needs to be sorted between the two of you, and I'm not going to hang around to be caught in between you."

And with that he sped off, leaving me stood there, face showing my confusion. Holding the tears back, I looked up at the empty space where Brendan previously was, to see it was refilled by that very same man.

XxXxXxX

Still shocked be Joel's break out, I turned away from Brendan's gaze, still feeling his eyes burn a hole in my back, only to bump into a very flustered Doug.

"Ste! Just the man I need! I forgot to give Cheryl the money back for the deposit, could you ..."

Seeing where this would lead, I quickly snapped back at him, before attempting to make an escape.

"No, Doug, I've had enough Brady these past two days!"

He looked stunned.

"I knew it!" he shouted, catching me up. "Something did happen yesterday didn't it? Was it Brendan? What happened Ste, you cant keep letting him put you down like this!"

Looking back, I could see Brendan's interest grow, probably from hearing his name being mentioned. He stood up from being slouched over the banister and leaned back on the wall, crossing his arms.

"Look, can we talk about this later Doug? Please?" I whispered in attempt to make him realise who was listening.

But it didn't work.

"No, Ste, ever since Joel spoke to you yesterday you've been acting strange! I'm not sure wether it was something he said, or something he told you, but when I saw him, he was looking for you, but he seemed a bit shook up. Did he upset you? Did you upset him?"

Looking up, yet again at Brendan, Doug followed my eyes, and realised why I didn't want to talk about it. Brendan was now stood up straight, hands in pockets, looking on dominantly, having just heard ever word that was just said.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Doug whispered "Get this sorted." before walking away.

I cast my gaze to ChezChez, to notice Brendan's facial expression turn to anger. Before anything could be said, the door swung open, and out came an unaware Joel, only to be shoved back through the door, followed by an aggressive looking Brendan.

Almost in an instant my feet had carried to the front entrance.


	6. Chapter 6

As the door clicked behind me, I was met by nothing but bass, pounding through my body. As I slowly made my way up the stairs I began to hear muffled voices, coming from both Brendan and Joel.

"What did you say?" Brendan asked unbelievably calm.

Nothing.

"What did you say to him Joel!" he repeated voice twice as loud as before.

By this time I was halfway up the stairs, able to peak through the bars unnoticeable.

With a wince, Joel spoke up "Aw, didn't you want that whiny little bastard to find out about your obsession? You're pathetic, Brendan, scared to let anyone in aren't ya? PATHETIC"

As Joel progressed through his speech, Brendan's expression slowly broke, revealing a very hurt looking side to him. Within seconds of Joel finishing, he strode up to the kid, all guns blazing.

Instead of retreating, Joel stood his ground, only to be held at the chin by Brendan's firm grip. In a situation where any sane people would have shut up, Joel did the complete opposite.

"... Calm it big boy, or is this how lil Steven likes it?" pausing to gain breath, he rolled his tongue to squeeze out one last word as Brendan's hand grew tighter "...Rough?"

Letting out a loud moan, Brendan brutally flung the cocky teen to the wall, and gave him a crack to the ribs. As he regained his breath, Joel wheezed, grasping his stomach, and in attempt to regain stance, he used the nearby coffee table as aid.

"You stay out of my business, you hear me? You had not right! No ... Right" Brendan whispered, bending down to Joel as he doubled over in pain.

"Speak to him" Joel squeaked, before Brendan had a chance to make his exit.

"What?" Brendan replied.

"Speak to Ste! Tell him how you really feel!"

"How I feel? What am I? Cinderella? Take you fairy tale crap else wh..."

"Fucking hell Brendan! You seriously believe you can fool me? Look at your face, it's got lies written all over it! Your hard man Brendan Brady act don't fool me!" Joel shouted, before continuing his outburst. "You're in love ... And you're deep in it ..."

Brendan just froze, standing motionless above the injured boy. His head slowly began to sink into his shoulders, and before we knew it he stormed into his office. As he turned to slam it, he spotted me and his bulging eyes regained sanity, but still he hid undoubtedly feeling ashamed that I had witnessed that.

XxXxXxXx

As I made my way to the top of the stairs, I struggled to decide what actions to take. Should I help a Joel? Does he deserve my help? Do I Confront Brendan, Or run? Before I could decide, Joel's broken figure stood up and between wheezes, he shouted.

"This" he said pointing between me and the now closed door "is getting ridiculous! Sort this shit out, or I get the police involved"

I followed his gaze to his chest. He has no idea how lucky he got it. Before he could make a break for it I laughed, and sternly asked,

"You think this is bad on you? Try having 3 broken ribs every time he's like this, then being forced to put up with it!"

He looked confused, and asked,

"Why didn't you just fuck off? Get the old bill on him and shack up with some other bloke, who would, you know, treat you right?"

... I don't know. I generally don't know the answer to that. I mean, surely there are hundreds of men out there with good morals, who wouldn't dream of laying a finger on me. But then again I couldn't see my life without this ... Him. Without the pain, how would I have realised how much of a trance I was in with Brendan? With all that ammo I could have shot at him, I chose to stay; I chose to put up with his mood swings, his violence, and his dirty dealings. Why would I do that?

"I guess, I guess you feel ashamed that someone could be so important, even after everything, that you become hopeless. Nothing can save you, and no one can understand and it's that sort of individuality that spurs you on, keeps you from running. Because the fact it is unique makes it special ... It makes him special. Believe me I've tried so hard to erase him "

Wiping the tears that now slowly trickled down my nose I used my aggression to hold it together, gritting my teeth I carried on.

"I met Noah, lovely lad, and though that could be it, my ticket out of this ... This 'relationship', but he still came back. No one has ever wanted me back, I've got back with people, broke up with girlfriends multiple times, but HE wanted ME back! Me! Ste, the local chav with an attitude the size of America! But without that, without the lust, you find yourself constantly wishing that you could have all the bad stuff back, so you can see a glimpse the good."

Staring into know where, I snapped back to reality, and noticed Joel's gaze was focused on something behind me ... Or someone...

* * *

><p><em>I am having a SERIOUS case of Writers block at the moment, so the next chapter may take a while longer to upload. Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Hope your liking it :)<em>


	7. Chapter 7

Of course, now he shows his face. Stood silently, Brendan leant against the door frame, arms and legs crossed with his head hanging forward. After what felt like an hour, Brendan spoke up.

"I, Er... I thought you would have gone by now, Steven"

"He thought he'd stay, have a wee natter, didn't you Ste?" Joel butted in.

I was now put in a place of pressure. I had Brendan staring right at me, expression unreadable, and Joel ... Well, if looks could kill. Looking back at Joel, still struggling with his ribs, I glanced at Brendan, eyes fixed in his and sternly said,

"You get used to it after about the third time"

Before inviting myself into Brendan's cooped up office, brushing past the hurt looking man.

* * *

><p>When Brendan re-entered the office, closing the door behind him, we stood in silence awkwardly for about 5 minutes, until one of us decided to speak up.<p>

"How long we're you standing there?" I asked, afraid to hear his answer.

"Long enough" he replied, unable to make eye contact.

A few more seconds of silence passed before he took his turn to converse.

"Is ... That what you really think?"

"Thought!" I snapped back at him.

"Thought ... Yeah"

That look. He gets me every time with that same look, and every time it ends in the same place, his bed. But not this time! I fed up of being his puppet, but no, it's time I cut the strings.

"Don't look at me like that!"

"Like what, Steven?"

"Like I'm in the wrong! Hurt did it? Knowing I've moved on? Knowing my life doesn't evolve around you? Get over yourself!"

"Yeah ..."

"Don't deny it, I can see it in y ... What?"

Did he just ... Did he admit wanting me back?

"It hurts, Steven. You with your new business, acting like nothing ever happened, when I'm sat up dwelling in the past."

Speechless, I stuttered "W well I'm sorry, Brendan, but it's time I had my life back, and you get yours ..."

As I headed for the door, Brendan's huge build blocked my way, hand lingering on my chest. Still facing the door, I closed my eyes, allowing myself to embrace it, before pulling away.

"Let me explain Steven ..."

"Oh god, here we go again! What am I supposed to do ey? Jump in your pants? Gonna promise me crap until I pin my hopes up on ya, and then let me down? It's getting ridiculous Brendan, get sorted!"

Making another attempt to leave, he slammed the door closed again and screamed,

"You just don't get it do you?"

"Get what Brendan!" I screeched back, hearing my voice crack.

"I don't ... I don't love you ..." His voice became inviting, but his posture turned violent. He seemed to notice how much that hurt me, and continued,

"What we had was special, you said it yourself! But you ... ya deserve better than me ... It is, was special for all the wrong reasons!"

Fingering the bridge of his nose, he took a deep breath in, showing his struggle to open up. In order to spur him on, get to the very core of him, I asked attempting to look as straightforward as possible,

" ... So you never loved me?"

And between sighs he continued "I never said that, Ste of course I did! You ... You do something to me, make me feel strange feelings I didn't even feel for Eileen. I've tried so hard to change, so hard to stop them, but they just won't piss off! Every time I see you, my stomach knots, it's like I'm a teen all over again and it's not getting any better! I wish I could put us behind me, but I can't! I physically can't! I'm IN love with you Ste, deep in it and stuck. I'm sorry that is inconvenient for you, but it's the truth and I can't help it ..."

As he finished, his voice became breathless, as if he tried to let it all out in one go. Unable to look at him during the whole break out I took a glance, and noticed tears streaming down his cheeks, and he was chewing on his thumb nail out I discomfort. He slowly started to pace around the office, before sliding down a wall and placing his head into his quivering hands, taking half of the notice board with him.

How am I supposed to respond to that? Walking away would be too heartless, the mans in bits. Mentally telling myself not to fall for his tricks again, I decided to join him, and in attempt to comfort him I placed my arm on his shoulder.

"Do you know how rare real love is? How unique it is to really love someone? Liking them, that's one thing, but to love them is ... It's different. You would put your whole life on hold to protect them, to make sure they are ok, do practically anything for them but not care if you get anything in return. And it's like a stake to the heart when you find someone you think you can trust. Who sees the real you, knows you like the back of their hand because you know that even the slightest thing can hurt them. They make you weak. They make you fear yourself. 'Should I have said that? Did they take that the wrong way?' it's pathetic how much of a light weight you become. And that's what scared me the most. You not only weakened me, but you became my weakness. At first yeah I admit, you were just another twink to fuck about with. Another Macca, another Vinnie, but then you became something and that then my whole world can crashing down above me, because for all my rivals it was two birds in one stone. If they threatened you, but didn't hurt you, you would get pissed off with me for putting you there, if they hurt you, they'd hurt me."

He then looked up at me, brushed his hand over my chin and continued "I couldn't let that happen, either of them."

Removing his hand, he shot up and composed his self. Tilting his head to the side he headed for the door, only to be beat there by Cheryl.

"Brendan did you get my messages?" she said happily, before turning to me, as I sat their cradling my knees. She looked back at Brendan only to notice his tear stained shirt and blood shot eyes, and within seconds her expression opposed. "What's happened? Are you ok Bren?"

Neither of us replied, and before she could demand a reply Brendan left. Standing up, I wiped my nose with my sleeve and told Cheryl

"Life's a bitch, that's all you need to know." and followed Brendan out the door.


	8. Chapter 8

As I made my way towards the exit, I was confronted by Joel, taking his eyes away from Brendan. With a smirk he said "So? When's the wedding?", and before I could stop myself, my fist swung from out of nowhere, hitting him right where Brendan previously had. As he gained his breath, I coldly spat "One more to go" before following Brendan down the stairs and across the village, shouting his name.

When I eventually caught up with him, I asked,

"Do you not thing we should discuss what just happened?"

"I don't know what you're talking about" He replied, refusing to stop walking.

"Don't be a prick!" I shot, moving to block his path.

Whispering he questioned "What Ste? Was that not enough for ya? I've said what needed to be said, can we just leave it at that?"

"No!" I said, moving closer to him. "No we can't. I'm sick at just leaving it at 'that'!"

"Well tough!" he spat, before making his way towards the stairs.

Following him I protested "No!"

"Steven! Leave it the fuck alone!"

Now he was getting angry. I could tell by the way he carried his self that he was about to blow. As he stormed up the stairs 2 at a time, I quietly followed him until we made it to the door.

As he opened the door he looked back, and said "Go away, Ste, we're done" before slamming it in my face.

Refusing to leave it I pressed my forehead against the door, and continuously pounded on it with my fist, until the sound of a blaring TV drowned me out. Out of anger, I kicked the door hard and stormed back down the stairs and retreated into the Deli.

After multiple releases of frustration, I let myself sit in silence in front of what will eventually be our counter. Head in hands, I heard the door go, but didn't bother to look. I only felt like talking to one person, and I defiantly wasn't getting that wish.

"Wow! Quite the improvement!" Doug said, looking at the mess I had made. Not giving him an answer, he realised that he had failed to lighten the mood, so joined me.

"That bad, huh?" his American accent rang through the shell of our business.

Leaning my head back, eyes bloodshot red from crying I confided.

"I was so close to stopping this! Stopping the hurt, the confusion, all I needed was a few more minutes, but I couldn't even get that!"

"Brendan ..." he stated to confirm he understood.

"Hmm" I replied before continuing, "Stubborn, that's what he is! A stubborn, selfish, arrogant arsewipe that walks around like ten tonne, bossing those weaker than him, and putting down those who are stronger. But no! Not this time! I'm gonna prove to him I am not as little as he thinks!"

"Don't you think you should leave it a bit? If he's still in the state I saw him in just then, I wouldn't want to cross his path!"

... He saw? There wasn't anyone around! How the hell did he ...

"The Deli ..." I thought aloud.

"Heard every word! Bit shocked, to be honest, never seen Brendan like that!"

"... Like what?"

"Well, like he had a heart! He seemed really taken aback by whatever happened over there!"

"Yeah, well he ain't fooling me ..."

"Fooling? How do you not know he's changed?"

"Changed? Pft! As if! He couldn't change a light bulb if he wanted!"

"Well" he tapped my knee, "Go prove me wrong! ... In an hour or two though, can't run a deli without a Chef!" smiling, he left me alone, letting a huge draft in doing so.

Maybe Doug was right, i may have been putting too much pressure on him, and well let's face it, Brendan wasn't one to calm down straight away, I should know that out of firsthand experience. It is still only midday, and there's a lot of work that needs to be done in here, maybe I should wait.

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><p>After tiding up the mess I made, I found myself getting carried away with it all. I ended up filling, white washing and sanding a few walls, even painted one, and drew out a plan of what I wanted where! By the time I had sorted out the place for full in renovation, what was meant to be a 2 hour occupation ended up being a 7 hour one.<p>

As I closed up shop, Amy appeared, looking rather sorrowful. As she walked up to me, I knew I had forgotten something, the look in her eye told me ...

Lucas.

I was meant to take Lucas to the park! Oh I'm so STUPID!

"Ames, look I can explain ..." I said, running up to her.

"It's fine, Ste, Doug came and told me what had happened."

... So she knows about my 'confrontation' with Brendan, but isn't annoyed? Looking confused, Amy reassured me,

"The Deli? Doug said you were planning on opening as soon as possible, so you stayed behind to get sorted?"

"... Yeah! Yep, I was gonna ring you, but I was scared you would be annoyed." I lied, in attempt to hide the real reason. "So where is he?"

"Oh he's over at Benjamin's, Carol heard about your business, and offered to baby-sit."

Benjamin was a friend of Lucas from Nursery, cute little lad, and his mum, Carol, was lovely young woman.

"Oh great! Well I was just gonna nip into town for some supplies, did you need anything?" I lied again, hoping she didn't.

"Erm, nope not that I can think of, but of I think of anything I'll be sure to text!" she replied much to my relief, and with a kiss, she was off.

As the day turned into night I noticed ChezChez was still open, reminding me that there was still something to do.

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><p><em>Thank you all for your lovely comments, I really appreciate them! Only a small Chapter, ut i wanted to try and built up the suspence, lets hope it works :S<em>


	9. Chapter 9

_Sorry for the delay, this week has been hectic for me! Enjoy :)_

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><p>Slowly making my way up the stairs, I stopped I'm my path by a very lovely looking Lindsey. To be friendly, and just to stall time, I made conversation with her.<p>

"Wow! You look ... Stunning! Who's the lucky guy?"

Blushing she replied "Really? This old thing? Thanks! It's no one really, just an old friend!"

"Ok, if you say so" I said with sarcasm and a wink, and then carried on ascending.

When I reached the door I hesitated to knock. I remembered what I had told Doug, how I was so close to stopping this. Maybe I didn't want it to stop, I can't really imagine life with out Brendan's sarcastic comments. Then again maybe stopping this will give me freedom, stop me from worrying about wether I will bump into him. Before I could bring myself to knock, the door flung open, and a very colourful Cheryl strode out.

"Huh!" she placed her newly manicured hand on her chest, "Oh, Ste, you gave me a wee fright there! What you doing up here?"

"I, er, I came to see ..."

"Bredan" we said in unison.

"Yeah" I confirmed.

Looking back, I follower her eyes towards the sofa, where Brendan sat, now perched on the edge of his seat. Noticing the awkwardness, Cheryl excused herself,

"Well, I had best be off, have a lot to be planning to do for two certain gentlemen" tapping my nose she finished "I'll leave you two to it!"

And off she went. Unsure wether to invite myself in, I hovered near the door way, watching as Brendan sat in silence. Eventually I decided to enter, closing the door behind me and leaning against it. To soften the tension I attempted to make light conversation,

"I've, er, just come up from the Deli, ... Did quite a lot of work today, nearly ready for renovation!"

Still nothing. He just sat there, head hung down watching as his thumb's entwined in each other.

"Brendan say something!"

"I've said all I need to, Ste!"

"But you haven't have you?"

He looked confused, braving to make eye contact with me.

"I know it's hard for you to talk about it, but ..."

"Hard for me to talk about it? I've lived it for the past few months, Steven, talking about it comes across as a walk in the park!"

"SO WHY WON'T YOU LET ME IN? Why won't you tell me exactly how you feel? I know you did today, but I'm not exactly the brightest button in the box am I?"

"Don't talk about yourself like that!"

"Come on! Enlighten me!"

"You seriously think what I say right now will make a difference? Make you jump into my bed, make you love me, is that what you want? You have moved on, you said it yourself, and I'm not going to drag you back into this fucked up situation! You're better off without me, you know it, I know it, the whole fricking village knows it! I can't change that, I've tried, but I can't!"

He stood up and made his way to the kitchen, opened the cupboard and pulled out a large bottle of whiskey, pouring himself a glass. He downed it within seconds, and poured another. I walked up to him, and as he leant on the counter, I stood next to him, closer that intended, his eyes focused on a distant spot.

"Would you want it to change?" I asked, involuntary.

"It doesn't matter what a I want, it's what's best that matters!"

"How do you know that this ... Us ... Isn't the best path to take?"

"Were you here for these past couple years? How many times have I hurt you, used you, abused you? What's to say I won't do it again?"

"What's to say you will?"

His eyes flickered, he came to the realisation that I was in favour of it. And he wasn't the only one.

"You know what happened yesterday?" I asked, not getting a direct answer.

"I broke down in front of Joel! About you!"

He became more intrigued by what I was saying, turning his head to face me.

"He wanted to know how to get in your good books, how to make you like him, wouldn't shut up about it, and I just cracked! Right there and then, blabbing on about how you get into people's heads, control them like a drug, telling him not to make the same mistake I did, and from then on I couldn't help thinking that he had told you, and that you would use it to get a hold over me."

Brendan put his poker face on, unreadable to most people, but clear as a window to me. His eyes were caught half way between glee, and disappointment, for what reason I don't know, but gaining no response I continued,

"He followed me home, and told me about how you had been acting strangely. He's a clever kid, I'll give you that, 'cause he read you like a book! Figured out what went on between us, even observed us from afar, but I shut him out, and do you know why? Because I was scared I felt the same way about you."

Stopping there, I hoped Brendan would speak up, but all I got was silence. The only noise between us was the remaining whiskey as it swirled around the bottom of his tumbler. As I grew agitated by it, I snatched the glass from him and slammed it on the counter, causing him to make eye contact yet again.

"Why are you telling me this?" he asked, feeling lost without the whiskey to occupy his gaze.

"Because I do."

"No, Steven! No you don't, your just saying that, feeling sorry for me aren't you? You're over me, you said it yourself!"

"I lied! I've been kidding myself for ages, making me believe I didn't, saying you were wrong for me, but then I'd think of when we were together, sure there were bad times, you've hi lighted most of them, but did you ever stop to think about the good times? When we were alone together, in each others company, in bed, mainly." He smiled, but quickly hid it, "It was those times that prevented me from running for the hills, Brendan, and you, that same person who hurt the hell out of me, are the only one who makes me feel like I'm someone, is it so bad to want that back?"

"Yes! You're being ridiculous! I've hurt you so many times, made empty promises, and you think you still ... I don't trust myself, and you have never trusted me."

He's right! I can't just love him again, not after what he has done. But why do I feel towards him the way I do?

"I ... Maybe ..."

"Maybe nothing, Steven, we're done here!" And with that he made his way to the door, opening it for me to take the hint. Standing in the kitchen I froze, wondering wether I would have backed down too easy, wether I would show weakness. So instead of leaving I protested.

"No"

He looked at me, disbelieving, but instead of forcing me out, he slammed the door, flung me a blanket and said, "Make yourself comfy, Cheryl is staying out in the club til late, Lindsey probably wont be back tonight, I'll be upstairs if you need me." and made his way upstairs.

"Brendan!" I shouted, but was beat by the slam of his bedroom door.


	10. Chapter 10

Half an hour had passed and I was still stuck pasting the Brady flat with my footsteps. Hoping to stand my ground I decided to storm up the stairs, and barge into Brendan's room only to be stopped by the sound of a phone conversation between him and Cheryl.

"It's none of your business, Chez, it's between me and him! ... No you don't need to, he's gone now, so there's no point ... Sure, assume I've done something wrong! Cheryl don't you dare! Chez!" and that was it. The phone call ended.

Only for my phone to ring.

Cheryl.

Before I could reject the call, the door swung open and I was faced with a scruffy looking Brendan, shirtless but still baring clothes on his lower half.

"Wh ... What are you doing here?"

Showing him I wasn't going anywhere, I replied "I, er, Need a pillow, your sofa's rock solid"

Still looking surprised to see me, he walked over to his bed, picked up a pillow and threw it in my face, before attempting to close the door.

I wasn't having any of that.

"Brendan!" I yelled, jamming my foot in the door.

"Why are you here, Steven? Seriously?"

"I ... I don't really know" I replied, attempting not to get distracted by his bare chest.

Noticing my discomfort, he grabbed his shirt and started to fasten it, before saying,

"Can't you just take the hint? Piss off will ya!"

Before he could reach for the door, I forced myself into the room, shutting it behind me. Still facing the door, I quickly demanded

"Not until you admit you still want me"

I was getting desperate now. I had been telling myself for so long how I don't love him, that I have begun to do the exact opposite, and now he won't admit he loves me as well, I'm starting to panic. It's silly, really, I've tried so hard to get rid of this ... This whatever it is, that when it comes down to it I can't bring myself to do it. Taking silence as a yes, I turned to face him, noticing that he was looking down at his feet.

"You see, you won't even deny it ..." I whispered with anger, moving my face closer to his.

He then looked up at me, eyes refusing to give into temptation and turned away, only for me to follow.

"Just say you do or you don't, Brendan, and this all be over!"

"I can't ..." he replied, abnormally weakly.

"Why not? You're just creating a bigger deal than ..."

"It's not that simple, I say I do, get you back and hurt you again, I say I don't I lose you right there and then."

"... So you're scared of losing me?"

Silence.

"Not saying anything, Brendan, isn't exactly keeping me close is it?"

Silence.

"Brendan! Are you even listening to me? We can't ignore each other in the village, we can't just be friends, what can we do? ... BRENDAN?"

Still silence.

Staying quiet for a few seconds, I placed my hand on his shoulder, moving closer to his larger build. He slowly turned around, before cupping my cheek with his hand. Moving my hand up to his I closed my eyes, feeling his touch knot my stomach. He placed his forehead to mine, inhaling heavily, and held my hand with his vacant one. After a few minutes, I opened my eyes, to see his tightly shut, baring tears on his cheek. I slowly brought my hand to wipe them away, gaining a kiss to the forehead in return.

We held this embrace for god knows how long before it was broken. He pulled away, and placing his index finger in his mouth, he chewed his nail and avoided my gaze. I stood inches away from him, still feeling the warmth of his touch against my chest.

I was still taken aback by what had just happened, unable to move or speak. His arms as they gripped me for dear life, the smell of his cologne, one I've craved for so long, the way he looked at me, just, everything.

"Sorry" he whispered, voice breaking ever so slightly.

"What for?"

"We shouldn't have ... I shouldn't have done that ..." he turned to face me, eyes raw from tears.

"Shouldn't we have?" I questioned, moving my hands to grip is half buttoned shirt, smiling,"Felt right to me ..."

He smiled in return, before pushing my hands away.

"No, I'm sorry but no, Steven!" he said, expression turning stern.

He made his way over to the bedroom door, me grabbing onto his arm in a weak attempt to stop him. Shrugging me off he grabbed his jacket that was placed on the back of the door handle, and in the spur of the moment I decided to rugby tackle him to the ground, and as I caught him out I the blue I was able to pin his arms to the floor, sitting on top of his stomach.

"What the f ... Steven get the hell of of me!" he shouted, attempting to knock me off.

"Look me in the eye and say you don't want me, this, us!" I stuttered.

He froze, all movement of his body stopping and stared into my blood shot eyes, and for a minute I thought he was going to say it, but instead he leant up and kissed me, slowly on the lips. We've kissed a lot, me and Bren, A lot! But this one was ... I don't know, it felt special, like no other kiss we had shared. Any contact between me and Brendan set of fireworks in my head, but to have him so innocently and softly caress my lips, savouring every moment, and lifting his arm to my cheek yet again, holding it gently, stroking it with his thumb.

As the kiss grew more and more aggressive, I broke it off, but kept our heads touching as we gasped for air. I was now sat on top of him, both of us in a similar position only the opposite way around. Thinking he would be angry for putting himself in this situation, I used his shoulder for support and attempted to lift myself off of him, but he grabbed my hands and pulled me back down, causing me to fall on top of him, positioning my head under his. He snaked his arms around me, gripping me tight as if he wasn't planning on letting go, and leaned on the wall next to us, placing his chin above my head and just held me there.

I had never seen Brendan like this, so emotionally vulnerable, we would normally just have a quick shag and be done with it, but neither of us indicated we take it to the bedroom, just enjoyed each others embrace, collecting every scent of one another. I could hear his hear beat fast, gradually slowing down as we sat on the hall way floor. I could have stayed like this forever ...

"Well, isn't this cosy!"

Shooting up at the sound of a voice I was stopped by Brendan's strong embrace, forced to stay there with him, only to look ups and see a very smug looking Joel.

"Fuck off Joel, unless you want another crack!" Brendan implied, voice just as stern as before.

"N'aw, interrupting something was I?"

Brendan jolted towards him, only for my presence to stop him doing anything.

"It isn't you I need to talk to anyway" Joel replied, making me lift my head up in interest.

"What? Me?" I questionned.

"Not just a pretty face then? Doug was getting worried about ya, said you came up here an hour ago and he hasn't seen you since, wanted me to see if you were ok, but I can see everything is ..." he scanned me and Brendan, as our grip loosened "Tip top!"

"Yeah, we'll if that's all?" I asked, wanting to get rid of the cocky bastard.

"... Oh, I see, I'll leave you boys to it" he winked, before descending back down the stairs and slamming the front door behind him.

Now disturbed I lifted my head from below his, and asked.

"What now?"

He sighed, eyes till closed.

"Now we just forget the world, cos frankly reality is a crock of shit." he replied, with no anger to the sound of his voice, just a relaxed vibe.

Hesitating, I planted a gentle kiss on his cheek, and replaced my head to where it previously was, putting my arm under his jacket and around his back, connecting them at the hip. Closing my eyes I allowed myself to drift off to a deep sleep, ignoring all the bad thoughts in my head and replacing them with only good, and ended up having one of the best sleeps I had had in months.

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><p><em>This will be the final chapter, thank you to everyone for reading and all the lovely comments! If i get enough requests I would love to do a sequal, but for now i will leave it as this ;) If anyone has any ideas on where I could take this story dont fret to PM me :)<em>


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